Natosha Washington’s words begin the monologue which opens RDT’s I AM, “This is a story of a Black woman…” She asks the audience, as we pause to witness the person next to us, if we are part of the problem, or stand with solution? A warning, no matter where we stand, we will be confronted. Chills rocking my body, an overhead spotlight reveals Dee-Dee Darby Duffin, center stage, who begins to sing. The melody is soulful yet grief lingers in the lyrics. “Sometimes I feel like a motherless child...” Harkening to the feeling of loss when one enters adulthood, not knowing the answers to navigate the ever revolving door of social, personal, and spiritual conflict as age becomes us.
As if to embody this feeling, dancer Ursula Perry emerges from the darkness upstage, wearing a simple white dress with slits that allow freedom from the waist down. Lighting from the sides of the stage softly illuminate the flakes falling from the ceiling. Are they ashes, or snowflakes? She dances beneath the column of falling flakes, shouldering an invisible burden that weighs her down, causing her to collapse to the ground throughout her solo. The sheer commitment to simple gestures — the raising of an outstretched hand to space, a falling curved arm to the side of her body, a flexed foot and a bent knee — demonstrate how simple concepts allow us to delve into difficult emotion. Fellow company members emerge from the darkness, helping her up with the simple support of a hug. Lights die, and the theater is pitch black for a moment. Suddenly the lights reveal one dancer center stage, and just as suddenly, the light is off again. Then, two more dancers are standing next to the original one. This pattern beckons more dancers forth, and gasps of awe from the audience accompany this simple, yet extremely effective transition. So begins an ensemble piece titled Say Their Names, a piece originally conceived for the company in 2018. With the theme of loss palpable, dancers revolve into duets with each other. Ripples of movement motifs echo from one duet to the next, each couple executing the same choreography right after the other, or in time with others. Engrossed in this process, it’s impressive to see the overall timing maintained throughout, reflecting human environments seen everyday. Not only were the partnerships strong, the strength of the company was clearly shown in the execution of movement and emotion, each caring for and supporting one another in lifts and other interactions. The simplicity of costuming, lighting, and choreography left room for emotional depth and interpretation, fostering an abstract world.
Dee-Dee Darby Duffin again takes the stage in Dismantle. She speaks about the limitations associated with her identity as a Black woman. Frustrated, she draws awareness to her pain while navigating the world with ignorant people, who do not see, or choose not to see her skin, voice, and presence. Behind her, dancer Trung “Daniel” Do is running in place for ages, facing a black void. The haunting image continues, as Duffin exits, he runs alone. With no shirt and minimal light, five plain benches stand above Do as he writhes between them, exhausted. This piece draws tears from my eyes more than once. His visible struggle and labored breath, was heart wrenching. Pulling the benches down one by one, Do is drained of strength as he stacks them upon each other. Banging his fists and gasping for relief, reminding us of what it is to endure hardships alone. The simple imagery and the incredible commitment to the struggle from Trung “Daniel” Do was enough for me to almost leap from my seat to help him. As the third bench was hoisted from vertical to horizontal, the company appears onstage, taking the burden from him as he falls into the arms of those who see and support. While we may be alone, it is through others that our struggle becomes light.
My Crown begins as Duffin stands tall, exclaiming, “Don’t touch my hair. Yes,” she continues, “my hair is beautiful, my hair is my crown, but it is not here purely for your enjoyment.” Duffin, aided by dancers Caleb Daly and Alexander Pham, confronts stereotypes concerning hair, length, professionalism, and gender presentation. With hair whipping and winks over the shoulders, this fun duet provides a fun breather as I AM launches into climax.
No End In Sight, was the most realistic portrayal of a relationship, romantic or not, that I’ve seen onstage. Ursula Perry, dressed in a long white gown, grasping a bouquet of red roses to her breast, floats on a box upstage. She begins sweeping her right arm around her, clutching the flowers as Trevor Price’s score directs the space to introspection. Dancer Jacob Lewis appears in the downstage corner, approaching her, then turning his back to have a dramatic solo moment. Perry descends from her box, shedding her skirt and joining Lewis in a duet. At first, the couple is in support of each other, leaning to their sides, arms stretched above in fists. Yet, I can’t help but notice Perry frames Lewis, holds him in subtle ways on his waist. As their connection begins to fumble, she runs and jumps in Lewis’s arms. He embraces her in a tight hug as he cradles her. Perry eventually slips out of his arms, fighting this connection as it seems to heavily weigh upon her. Lewis relies on her strength to support his movements while she desires to dance alone. He beckons her, yet she firmly shakes her head, abandons her red roses in Lewis’s hands and exits. Lewis follows in a haze.
In the background of this duet, the rest of the company places benches down, watching the couple. As the duet ends, the dancers open their fans. Comically waiting for “service” to start, fanning, and talking amongst themselves. A soulful choir brings the company to their feet, and four other company members join from a downstage wing. The costumes reflect a church service from back in the day, the ladies in little hats and the men in jackets. Celebratory, the company rotates through the benches. The choreography, stunning as ever, allows the dancers to really show their athleticism. Raising their hands in prayer above, then slamming down on the benches into quick hand and arm isolations. Energy builds again as Lewis goes on a tangent downstage left, extending legs to the sky and fluidly flipping through a walkover. Two company members now standing on benches, reprise the upper body isolations. A scene that everybody can recognize, showing the pure joy people can experience together as we find that higher power. As Church ends, Duffin enters downstage, returning the red roses to Perry.
I Can Only Be Me calls back to Perry’s moment on her box. This time, Duffin supports her in finishing what she started as she sings. Perry, now grounded in herself, holds her roses and glides through the space. Duffin begins to speak, transitioning us to Black Girl Magic. In the most profound statement so far, she tells us that even though she has been manipulated and used when only convenient, her power may never be quenched. Her final monologue is so powerful, an audience member in front of me raised his fist as she raised hers.
The company returns with the benches, this time three women remain onstage. Trevor Price’s original composition brings heavy base with an overlay of drive. Each dancer executing their own image, for Megan O’Brien a fist with a power walk, Lindsey Faber a roll down of the spine to a middle split, and Caitlyn Richter leg extensions to the gods. This intense trio grappling with angst, using heavy breath to labor their way. The remaining company emerges from the back, stepping into the space and interrupting the struggle. As the women repeat their images, two dancers wrestle one to the ground, audibly grunting with fear and effort. This piece, Monsters, was, to me, what happens when we let anger and fear guide our actions. Inorganic results that harm others, based on rotten schema left unchecked. It represents the shadow of the self, the darkness we all carry within.
The conclusion of the show, I Am Here, looks much like Say Their Names, yet our company has been on a long journey. Costumed in black dresses with slits, they duet again with another. Dee-Dee Darby Duffin’s voice is listing all of the things that she is: confused, weary, scared, hopeful, lost, uplifted. This dichotomy is the epitome of the show: Everything can exist at once, it is all a balancing act. Each pair ricocheting off another, one dancer going on their own tangent. This time, everyone is seen, everyone is heard. All emotions bubbling to the surface, each performer giving their all. The audience is also grieving, to see the show end, and relieved, that the journey is at a real conclusion.
Witnessing this work brought many emotions to my forefront, as a dancer, woman, and human. Natosha’s design of the overall arc of the show was exceedingly brilliant, building from her personal story into the multidimensional web of collective consciousness. By zooming in, we also zoom out. The call to action ever on the front of the stage, imploring introspective responsibility and outward awareness of people immediate to our reality. Many a time we feel alone, yet we only need reach out in our hour of greatest need. At the same time, people may also hold us back based on their own insecurity. In short, being a human in this day and age, especially a marginalized human, is extremely hard. We must take care to take care. For those who came before, for those who are here, and for those to come.
Lauren Cheree Wightman (she/they) is a dancer, writer, explorer and part time goblin. When not in the studio, she prefers frolicking in the mountains, foraging for plants and climbing rocks. A contemporary freelance artist, they roam where they please, creating projects with the resources in their area. An ideal day in Lauren’s life would include climbing up a waterfall, swimming in the ocean, hiking to a cozy cave, and reading a book as the sun sets. Find out more at travelbarefoot8.wordpress.com.